If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
