And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
