Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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