I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
