last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
