The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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