I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
