I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sext me about skeletons
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
