I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
