We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
