so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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