$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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