I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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