he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
