Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
