I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
