When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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