i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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