I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
