her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
