his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
