yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
