Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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