So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
