Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
