He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
