apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
