Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
