margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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