I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
