She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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