If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
