ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
