I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
