why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
