Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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