So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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