If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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