so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
