I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
