I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
