Cold hands, warm shart.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
