is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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