Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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