it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
