some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
