It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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