somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
