So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
