sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
