i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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