You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
