Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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