another moral hangover. fuck.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
